In a Galaxy far, far away... [ Tuesday, October 16, 2001 - Lotusfly - 0 Comments ]
Never content until every creature on the server bows beneath his evil will, tyrannical emperor Rollinthunder hired the services of Grand Moff Tarkin for the latest raids on the Temple of Veeshan. The magically powered closed-circuit security system of the guild's headquarters recorded the following ominous events!
~
"Before your execution I would like you to be my guest at a ceremony that will show this guild to be fully operational. No factions will dare oppose our glorious leader, Rollinthunder, now."
"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more zones will slip through your fingers..."
"Not after we demonstrate the power of this guild! In a way, you have determined the choice of the zone that will be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the dragon temple, I have chosen to test this guild's destructive power... on your home city of Rivervale."
"No! Rivervale is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can't possibly..."
"You would prefer another target? A military target? Then name the zone! I grow tired of asking this, so it will be the last time; where is the dragon base?"
"ToV... They're in the Temple of Veeshan."
"There! You see, she can be reasonable. Continue with the operation. You may fire when ready!"
"WHAT?"
"You're far too trusting, my dear. Velious is too remote to make an effective demonstration, but don't worry; we will deal with your dragon friends soon enough."
"NO!"
~
Every once in a while, you get to enjoy seeing everyone happy. Really, really happy, and all at once. The following was the eruption from the guild at an empty North ToV; one could charge batteries on the atmosphere.
To each and every one of the 48 people playing that night: you were superb! I do not remember such a feeling of relief in this game for quite some time.
Congratulations to everyone, and special thanks to Louie for ferrying hidden plans from the evil Rollinthunder, and to Cisne (human cyborg relations) for translating them...
"I felt a disturbance in the Force. It was as if millions of monks screamed out in pain and were suddenly silenced." -- The OOT Oracle, quoted from about the time of the Vyemm pull.
Cooking with Bassor [ Wednesday, October 10, 2001 - Lotusfly - 0 Comments ]
"Greetings, fellow epicureans! This special edition of 'Cook with Bassor' comes at a serious time.
All of us, I know, have been a victim to that most malicious, and psychologically damaging, of crimes: anthropomorphic transitive gender concealment.
You all know the situation: that supple, graceful, elegant female elf that you just took home turning out to have "five o'clock shadow" and a collection of dangling appendages stowed betwixt their overdeveloped and usually hairy thighs.
Now, travelling the world as I do, I see a lot of men roasting their loveplums, after finding out that the woman that they've just been erroneously cybering with is actually another man. To my horror, the level of culinary expertise used when cooking the aforementioned articles is of an appallingly low standard. Cease your worrying! Today, the Master of the Wok will show you how.
Plums
Friends, Norrathians, countrymen - lend me your plums. Today, I am going to put an end to your cuisine mistakes once and for all. With the aid of the KTF family's newest members, you too will soon be on the road to stir-fry heaven.
~
Recipe #1: Amonra the Earth Keeper
Now, Amonra is a big man with a big title, and for a high elf he's pretty scary. He is of course male, so we have the Green Light to stir-fry.
The secret to stir-frying your basic pair of plums, is to maintain high wok heat at all times. This is crucial to a good fry. One must never let the plums rest in the wok, so stir like mad! Three to four minutes should be ample.
For someone like Amonra, I would use a tall-sided wok, non-stick and probably a good extra-virgin olive oil for that authentic European feel. Serve with a light, chilled beer.
~
Recipe #2: Yerrath
We're looking at something a little special here. Yerrath is Brazilian (our second for the guild!) and so we need to think very carefully about our methods. Your amateur fryer would panic at this stage and make a horrible mess. This is where we separate the men from the boys.
Fire up the wok to maximum heat - use an uncoated, hardened steel one for this, we need a really searing temperature. My secret weapon for the stirfrying of the more Latin plum: red hot Tabasco sauce! A few small drops of this napalmesque liquid and you will soon be on your way to that authentic Portugese feeling of pain that accompanies most of their food. Serve with port and stilton.
~
Recipe #3: Cenox "Snowball" Shortleg
Cenox.. well, he couldn't pass for female even if he tried so we are "go" for stir frying! Given the extraordinary roughness of the subject's plums, we're going to try and drown the revolting flavour and texture with our old friend: tons of booze.
Don't waste a good wine here. You'll want to choose an abrasive red, preferably as cheap as possible to really disguise the grotesque plums that you're going to fry in it. I used a 1991 Chateau Beychevelle that I picked up lying on the guild's cellar floor, and it did the job! Serve with the stomach remedy of your choice.
~
Recipe #4: Eanne "Chocolate Thunder" Johnson
Against all the odds, the incredible has happened. Eanne is a bone fide female! So, give your plums the day off - they're overworked, probably overcooked, and deserve the rest.
~
Well, it's been fun! I hope that you've picked up a few tips, and are safely on the road to becoming comfortable at the wok. Remember, don't be scared! Experimentation is the key, and as long as you use a good oil, you're sure to not go far wrong.
I'll see you next episode, in which I'll be showing various recipes for light chicken gravy. I'll leave you with a sample of my newest recipe! It's pretty hard to cook up, as the creature that it comes from seems to not give much out at a time, but I think you'll like it nonetheless. Keep frying!"
We're looking at something a little special here. Yerrath is Brazilian (our second for the guild!) and so we need to think very carefully about our methods. Your amateur fryer would panic at this stage and make a horrible mess. This is where we separate the men from the boys.
Fire up the wok to maximum heat - use an uncoated, hardened steel one for this, we need a really searing temperature. My secret weapon for the stirfrying of the more Latin plum: red hot Tabasco sauce! A few small drops of this napalmesque liquid and you will soon be on your way to that authentic Portugese feeling of pain that accompanies most of their food. Serve with port and stilton.
In a Galaxy far, far away...